intellect + insomnia =

(excerpt from a separate conversation)

Pascal’s Wager is largely misinterpreted, in my opinion.
Based on my impressions from the rest of the Pensees, Pascal himself would say that the wager is a poor basis for belief, and is not at all the final word on salvation or the Christian life. The wager, in my perception, is a sort of last-ditch attempt to jar the hardened atheist into considering the position he has taken.

Pascal is highly sympathetic to those who continue to search for truth. He believes this is the best and most honest approach, for theists as well as atheists. He has no such sympathy for those who insist they have it all figured out, know THE answer (and this includes Christians, btw).

It is to the latter sort of atheist that the wager is primarily addressed. His point isn’t that Christianity is merely the safest bet, but that what the atheist is arguing for is at its core self-destructive. Essentially he’s saying (I think), “So this is the answer you’ve decided to settle on? Enslavement of mankind to nature, surrender to despair, a life that ends at best with oblivion and at worst perdition? Wake up. There is more to be done. Surely at all cost this answer should be avoided, every possibility explored?”

I find this to be one of the most compelling arguments contra atheism I’ve run across. It instills a healthy fear, not of hell in the atheist, but of atheism in the honest thinker. Atheism, at least for me, would have to be the final resort of someone who has completely exhausted every other possibility. It’s too terrifying and hopeless to subscribe to lightly.

Just my take on it. In reading the work of minds like these, I find that it’s safest to assume that if I can see a problem with something, they probably could too, and I should look carefully to see if they’ve already addressed it. Typically, they have.

the two sides of monsieur valentin(e)

for those of you who are in love, we salute you.
transcendence and immanence are hard to reconcile.
i’m not sure which one i’d go with if i had to pick.
being alone on valentine’s day is not that big of a deal (right?).
it’s them dang corp’rayshuns, them ‘n the gummint.
it was so cold i felt obliged to miss precal.
stupid american sense of industry. why can’t i be ok with not accomplishing things?
i need a posse. and to promote chocobo awareness.
and, perhaps, a coherent sequence of thought?
nah, those are for suckas.
i want to go camping. any takers?

ardor, zeal, fervency, etc.

a man told us we should be passionate about something today.
i agree. i need someone/something to be passionate about.
poetry and music are too static and abstract.
i’d like to be in love in a way that doesn’t feel like i’m trapped.
i’d like to be so caught up in someone or something that i lose myself.
i’d like to figure out what goes in this empty place.

belated birthday thoughts

well, it would seem that i’m a year older.
wiser? if awareness of ignorance counts as wisdom.
it’s certainly been an eventful year, as years go.
i’ve discovered more about love and myself than in all the past ones combined.
i’ve come to terms with many of the things that have given me grief.
still plenty of those to go around.
experienced the heights and depths of unrequited love.
which is something no song can really convey, i think.
been surrounded by friends, and completely alone.
felt the joys and sorrows of both.
become more aware of my beliefs and how they affect my life.
recognized how (almost) hopelessly far i’ve yet to go.
experienced beauty in people and places i’d never have thought to look.
faced much of the darkness that is in me (have not yet begun to fight).
encountered flashes of how very small i really am.
struggled with the tension between immanence and transcendence.
been terrified of life, the world, and a girl’s decision.
become aware of homo viatoris, and caught glimpses of the bonum universale.
lived, loved, wept, laughed, feared, hated, trusted, and dreamed.
here’s to another year.

what is lost in the finding

ascending in the long dark night
the gathering sentinels of light
stand watch over a skeptic world
that stirs, restless, wanting
to believe in stars that sing
yet understanding binds us well
to what we see, what fact would tell
is all that is, or ever was
what a price is paid
for cold and certain truth
the syllogism plays its knell
upon the harlot reason’s bell
ringing in their master’s death
the handmaids go silent
hand in hand to the gallows
the power we are wont to choose;
the vigor of the hangman’s noose
death to soul our final end
enslavement, the silence of the grave
in place of dread mystery
awakening, instilling things we do not know
and aren’t sure we want.
but far beyond this quiet sphere
a song remains for those who would hear

solitude

blows.
being stuck behind walls of your own making
is not so fun.
perhaps melancholy is simply the price of the past days’ joy?
are relationships just so attractive to me because i haven’t experienced one fully?
that’s a depressing thought.
do i just look for problems? maybe.
it seems like they’re there in any case, and i’m not able to just ignore things.
at least in acknowledging them there’s chance of solving them.
stupid spring and valentines.
they tend to be reminders of things you don’t have.
which is petty, i know.
and i’m glad of the weather and the opportunity for other people to be happy,
and act cheesy toward eachother.
sigh. self-indulgent b.s.
what else are blogs for?

puppies

warm weather is lovely.
moderation is good in climates too, apparently.
i saw a puppy running today.
that’s possibly the happiest single thing ever.
go ahead, just picture it. i defy you not to smile.
i played guitar for a couple hours outside,
and was called a hippie. i can live with that.
the new explosions record is a good record.
the old wilco record is still a good record.
in a few days i will be a year older.
19 is an impotent birthday, but that’s ok.
will i be a year wiser?
that remains to be seen.
working on a new story, and some poems.
couple contests i want to enter.
mostly i just want to get stuff written.
more blogs probably are forthcoming,
it’s that time of year again.